Hot cow wow! Last night I caught the biggest trout I’ve ever seen! I caught it in the Ganges. I was with my friend Friendzo, and we were looking for pebbles to put in an empty honey jar. I was scooping handfuls gleefully, hollering like a wild baboon, when suddenly I spotted the mad green glint of the trout’s scales. Friendzo saw that I saw. I saw that he saw that I saw. He saw that I saw that he saw that I saw. The pebbles saw that he saw that I saw that he saw that I saw. And the trout saw nothing.
And I struck!
I plunged all three of my hands into the water, two grabbing the trout at each end, one rummaging for pebbles. Friendzo shouted “Okra magic!” and leapt out of the water to do push-ups on the shore. I raised the trout from the water and fed it some pebbles. He began to grow. He sprouted legs. His scales fell off and became diamonds. I held him to the sky and wept. Ouch! He bit me. Not too civilised, that one. Friendzo called to me, “O left, O right, wherefore this creature!” Suddenly it was dark. The trout grew wings and flew me to Friendzo. We opened the picnic basket. Mmm, pancakes. Soon, Friendzo had to leave for bocce lessons with Jan Stenerud. Just me and the trout, now, gazing out at the setting sun. Dark fell on us and it hurt a little bit. Goddamn Dark. The trout was not expecting this from land. He wanted to return to the sea, but I reminded him that he had legs now.
And I sat and sat with him ’til dawn and would have counted the stars, if there’d been any.
Posted by hornblower 
