I spoke to Friendzo today about his drug test. He told me that the masking agent was something that’s in his hair-loss product. I told him that he shouldn’t be using any hair-loss product — he was losing his hair fast enough already. No need to rush Nature.
He gave me kind of a funny look. I asked if I could borrow a pair of pliers. He said he could do me one better, and bought me a house. But what am I going to do with a house? I can’t afford the taxes, or the upkeep. I sold it and used the money to buy some straws for the wet bar in my basement. Purple squiggly ones. They’ll be a big hit at the next bridge tournament. Hopefully this time Winslow Homer shows.
