I’ve been training for the grub championship this week. My regimen is intense, but I’ve got a great new greengrocer I’ve been seeing, and he’s a whiz. He has me on a three-carrots-every-meal plan, to optimize the transference of gluten and sodium to strategic optical nerves and gastroenterological abscesses. People tell me it’s in bad taste to enter grub contests in times such as these, but I say, No, sir. Except I don’t say sir. I don’t even say anything, actually. I just kill.
With my newfound grub abilities, I think I’ll be running for Congress this year. I have found that the most important part of being a good friend is letting people know that you are a grub champion. This is what I aim to accomplish for all of my great friends. I want the world to be a happy land, and let’s be careful where we step, now, because there are worms coming through the cracks in the pavement. Don’t worry, though — there is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.
Hey, great post, really well written. You should post more about this.