Ouch! Caught a train to the Middle country this morning, and my hands are aflame. I tried to walk it off, but I am in the habit of walking on my hands, so that was a poor choice. I rubbed some aloe on my nose and sniffed some begonias, and I felt better. Janezo (two syllables, remember) called me the other day, and I spit-polished my Geo Tracker for our meeting at the courthouse.
She was making jazz hands at me from across the room and I fought the temptation to spit-shine my necktie. I had just come from the greengrocer, and I had a fresh head of romaine in my back pocket. I didn’t pay, though, because I’ve been doing some work for the greengrocer, lately, as part of the new apprenticeship program. It’s been going well. The pay ain’t great, but for all the mint leaves I can stomach, whenever I can stomach them, you won’t hear me complaining.
Janezo and I danced a bop number for a bit, then she smoked some meth and I avoided her for a little while. I saw a friend of mine from high school in a hallway and I stabbed him with his own hunting knife, in front of a bailiff. Then I murdered the bailiff with my necktie and dragged both bodies to the judge’s chambers, where he was dressed as the Emcee from Caberet. I snapped a few photos of him and dropped the bodies at his feet. If you don’t tell I won’t, I said. Tell what?, he replied with a shrug. That’s right, Judgie. That’s right.
I made my way to the lobby. Friendzo was there. He was going to trial for stealing a thoroughbred from Rashaan Salaam. Goddamn Friendzo. Always crashing the same car. He’ll get off, though. If Salaam ever wants his Heisman back, that is. Otherwise, I have a very attractive offer from Ki-Jana Carter to return what ought rightfully to be his.
Soon enough, Janezo met us by the granite Ten Commandments out front. The mood was tense, but I lightened it by lighting a match and lighting Friendzo’s hair on fire. Scary, sure, but I knew they were just extensions. Made of basil, so they smelled just fine all lighted and glowing. We stared as they burned, slowly up the stalks. The evening came galloping in like a racehorse kicking toward the finish. Frothed clouds gently bled through with reds and violets, capping the mountains to the east in the absence of snow. A hawk above, and I squinted to see it as it chased the orb now settled in its cumulus bed. It was dark by the time the fires burned through, and we said good night and turned for home, three faces weary with the heavy load of a life among man.
